Aarón DeEspaña: 2014

A great number of people spend Monday morning in mourning. What are they mourning? They mourn their very personal and soul crushing loss of the weekend. They regret having squandered their free time waiting in long lines at the discount store when they could have been watching the game or catching up on their favorite television show. They bemoan their return to the drudgery of the workplace and the tedium therein. What to do to help while away the hours at work? Simple: take as many breaks as you can.

Smokers will have an obvious advantage with regard to breaks because many are sympathetic to the special burden smokers bear. They understand it is much harder to work with a smoker in the throes of anxiety, pining for a smoke break than one having just returned from said break. One would foolishly welcome the possibility of great bodily harm to oneself were they to impede the path of a two-pack-a-day smoker en route to their deserved break. But I digress.

Those who do not smoke could always opt for an additional bathroom break or two. Only the most callous boss would dare call your bluff. Choice placement of water on one's trousers, a penguin like waddle, unintelligible mutterings, groinal hand location and a pleading expression help to sell the act. A proper lead up to the bathroom break: frequent coffee breaks. Remember, you only ever borrow coffee. I can't help but be reminded of the chorus from the 1st track on my recent album:

But I digress yet again.

There is also the obligatory "supply run" to keep periods of uninterrupted work as far from oneself as possible. Need pencils or paper? Fine, go get some. Don't need either? Go get some anyway and watch your desk transform into a supply hub away from the closet. Of course, the word "supply" need only be used loosely. Let loose your imagination and go on a diaper run, a business card from the desk of every co-worker run, a family photo from the desk of every distracted co-worker run, or simply liberate every roll of toilet paper from the restroom. You will then look like quite the hero when you hear some poor soul in the bathroom cry out, "please help, there's no toilet paper" and you come to their timely rescue.

Social media is an obvious time-killer in the workplace. Unfortunately, not every employer is tolerant of such activity on their computers. In just such a terrible dungeon of an office you may be forced to utilize your cell phone—if permitted—to keep up to date with the superfluous happenings in the lives of those in your ever expanding network.

In the end, the possibilities for distraction are as limitless as your imagination. When all else fails, you could always pen a blog post pertaining to such loathsome things as Mondays and work.

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