A great number of people spend Monday
morning in mourning. What are they mourning? They mourn their very
personal and soul crushing loss of the weekend. They regret having
squandered their free time waiting in long lines at the discount
store when they could have been watching the game or catching up on
their favorite television show. They bemoan their return to the
drudgery of the workplace and the tedium therein. What to do to help
while away the hours at work? Simple: take as many breaks as you
can.
Smokers will have an obvious advantage
with regard to breaks because many are sympathetic to the special
burden smokers bear. They understand it is much harder to work with
a smoker in the throes of anxiety, pining for a smoke break than one
having just returned from said break. One would foolishly welcome
the possibility of great bodily harm to oneself were they to impede
the path of a two-pack-a-day smoker en route to their deserved break.
But I digress.
Those who do not smoke could always
opt for an additional bathroom break or two. Only the most callous
boss would dare call your bluff. Choice placement of water on one's
trousers, a penguin like waddle, unintelligible mutterings, groinal
hand location and a pleading expression help to sell the act. A
proper lead up to the bathroom break: frequent coffee breaks.
Remember, you only ever borrow coffee. I can't help but be reminded
of the chorus from the 1st track on my recent album:
But I digress yet again.
There is also the obligatory "supply
run" to keep periods of uninterrupted work as far from oneself
as possible. Need pencils or paper? Fine, go get some. Don't need
either? Go get some anyway and watch your desk transform into a
supply hub away from the closet. Of course, the word "supply"
need only be used loosely. Let loose your imagination and go on a
diaper run, a business card from the desk of every co-worker run, a
family photo from the desk of every distracted co-worker run, or
simply liberate every roll of toilet paper from the restroom. You
will then look like quite the hero when you hear some poor soul in
the bathroom cry out, "please help, there's no toilet paper"
and you come to their timely rescue.
Social media is an obvious time-killer
in the workplace. Unfortunately, not every employer is tolerant of
such activity on their computers. In just such a terrible dungeon of
an office you may be forced to utilize your cell phone—if
permitted—to keep up to date with the superfluous happenings in the
lives of those in your ever expanding network.
In the end, the possibilities for distraction are as limitless as your imagination. When all else fails, you could always pen a
blog post pertaining to such loathsome things as Mondays and
work.